Real Men Don’t Cry? Let’s Talk About That.
Joaquin Phoenix from the movie Joker (2019)
It all started when I learned about that one stat that hit me in the gut when I was working in London:
In the UK, suicide is the leading cause of death for men under 35 as compared to women. Let that sink in. Not accidents, not diseases but something invisible. Something silent. And when I looked at India’s numbers, the story wasn’t much different. I paused. Then I asked myself why aren’t we talking about this more?
I’m not a man. I’ll never fully get what it feels like to grow up being told to "man up," "don’t cry," "stop acting weak." But I am someone who cares deeply and I’ve spent some occasion doing what I could do: asking questions to man, listening to guy friends, cousins, classmates, watched movies that touched upon this theme. And scrolling through memes (obviously) because hey, if Gen Z has taught us anything, it's that memes = modern truth bombs.
Women Dealing with Stress:
I cried, journaled, Facetimed 3 friends, and did a guided meditation
Men Dealing with Stress:
Go gym, Stare at ceiling, Watch 5 hours of car videos, Say nothing.
Okay okay, it’s funny ‘cause it’s true. But also… not funny.
Because behind every meme is a man who might be silently struggling, feeling like he can’t open up. Like no one’s listening. Or worse that he’ll be judged if he does.
Men and Society
From a young age, boys are pushed into roles with big expectations:
Be strong.
Earn money.
Fix everything.
Protect everyone.
Show no weakness.
Before they’ve even figured out who they are, they’re expected to be the man.
And that pressure? It builds up. Quietly.
It doesn’t just affect mental health, it hits the body too. Stress, burnout, sleep issues, constant tension. But does anyone ask how they’re doing? Rarely.
What I’ve Learned as a Woman Trying to Understand
I’ll never fully get what it feels like to grow up as a man in a world that hands you responsibility, then judges you for showing emotion.
But here’s what I do know:
You deserve rest.
You deserve to feel safe being honest.
You deserve love without conditions.
You deserve to feel like you don’t have to hold the whole world up by yourself.
You deserve to be heard, seen, appreciated, welcomed, loved, and not judged.
So no, I’m not in a position to write on behalf of men.
But I am writing for you as someone who cares, who’s learning, and who truly believes that men deserve softness, support, and space to feel without fear.
To every man reading this:
You’re not just a paycheck. Not just a fixer. Not just “the strong one.”
You’re human. You’re needed.
You don’t have to always be the rock. You don’t have to carry it alone.
And you surely don’t have to say “I’m fine” when you’re not.
And if no one’s told you lately: You matter. A lot.
