The Mirror We Avoid: A Reflection on Looking Inward

Rachel Green from Friends (1991)

There’s an episode of Friends where Rachel, a run away bride on her wedding day, newly single and trying to find herself, dramatically declares, "It’s like all my life everyone’s always told me, ‘You’re a shoe! You’re a shoe! You’re a shoe!’ Well, what if I don’t want to be a shoe? What if I want to be a purse, or a hat?”

It’s funny and classic Rachel but underneath the humor is something real: That moment we all face when we realize we’ve been living more by reaction than reflection. That maybe who we are isn’t who we were told to be… or who we’ve been pretending to be.

And yet, it’s so easy to avoid that mirror. Because in a world like ours fast, loud, always moving feels radical. We're praised for being "busy," applauded for multitasking, addicted to productivity tools, and haunted by the feeling that someone, somewhere, is doing more. It's no surprise we fill every silence with something: a scroll, a scroll-back, a podcast, or a playlist.

But what if the most profound breakthroughs don’t happen while sprinting forward but when we sit down and look in the mirror?

We talk about self-care a lot, candles, break, vacation days. But mirrorwork is a different kind of self-care. It’s not indulgent; it’s confronting. It’s the practice of stepping back, journaling, recording your own thoughts, and reviewing them not for perfection, but for patterns. It’s the real, unfiltered Netflix of your life: unedited, unscripted, and often more revealing than you’d like.

You realize how often you say "yes" out of fear, how you keep yourself busy to avoid difficult conversations, or how you use being helpful as a way to avoid being honest with others and yourself.

Last month, instead of firing off a defensive email, I opened a blank page and wrote down why I felt the way I did. By the time I hit "send," the reply was different. It was kinder, clearer, and far more effective. That’s mirrorwork in action: catching your ego mid-sprint, sitting it down, and asking it why it's running.

Even journaling for five minutes in the morning, just long enough to beat the algorithm to your mind can shift the entire tone of your day. We assume reflection is what we do after the real action ends. But what if it’s the action itself?

Steve Jobs famously said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward.” And it's true. Clarity comes from perspective, not from pushing through.

Athletes watch footage. Musicians listen to recordings. Writers reread their drafts. Why do we think life is any different. This isn’t about quitting or hiding from the world. It’s about tuning in to your own. Choosing a long walk over an angry tweet. Writing a messy journal entry instead of venting in the group chat. Letting yourself just sit, without fixing, solving, or performing. These aren't wasted moments. These are the ones that make you.

We often say we want growth. But we forget: growth doesn’t always happen in motion. Sometimes, it begins in the quiet. In the moments no one claps for. In the choice to be honest with yourself when no one's watching.

Here’s to the brave work of becoming self-aware:

Not by doing more, But by noticing more.